We are all familiar with the idea of an unhappily married couple “staying together for the kids.” If you know someone living such a reality, you may come away from interactions with that person or couple shaking your head wistfully, looking forward to the day when your friend can be happy again. If, however, this describes your own marriage, you should know that, in many cases, living with two parents in a bad relationship can actually be worse for your children than dealing with their parents’ divorce. It might be hard to believe, but, depending on your situation, you may need to consider divorcing “for the kids.”
Shutting Down an Unhealthy Situation
Unhealthy family situations can take many forms. Some parents who cannot get along may isolate themselves emotionally—and sometimes physically—leading to cold, distant relationships not only with their spouse but with their children as well. In other cases, the atmosphere may be one of constant tension where family activities and outings are extremely uncomfortable. Of course, the most obvious unhealthy family situation consists of parents constantly fighting or arguing with one another. In the midst of these battles, a child may easily start to feel lost, unloved, and unimportant.
While these types of homes may seem stable—especially to an outside observer—consistency by itself is not necessarily a good thing. A situation that is consistently stressful and unhappy is not worth maintaining. A new, healthier stability may be possible, but it may require ending your marriage.
One of the surprising benefits that many parents find in the wake of their divorce is the ability to connect on whole new level with their child. Household stressors and the distractions of a bad relationship can make it difficult for parents and children to forge meaningful bonds with one another. Following a divorce, each parent may find it much easier to spend quality one-on-one time with the child.
Maintaining a healthy relationship with your child is crucial in helping them deal with the challenges that your divorce may present. Divorce may be the right choice for your situation but that does not make it an easy one. Child development experts generally agree that a child fares best when both parents take an active interest in his or her life and make it point to be involved with the child.
This is certainly possible in the wake of a divorce, but it will require compromise and civility on the part of each parent with regard to one another. Your child is less likely to maintain a positive relationship with the other parent if you constantly make negative comments about your ex-spouse or blame him or her for things. Healthy relationships take work, and you must be prepared to do your part.
Divorce Solutions in DuPage County
If you have tried to salvage your marriage for the sake of your children but have been unable to do so, contact an experienced Wheaton family law attorney. We will meet with you to discuss your situation and help you make the best decisions for yourself and your children. Call Abear Law Offices at 630-904-3033 today.