Data from the American Psychological Association shows that up to 50 percent of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. The likelihood of divorce also increases significantly for those in second or third marriages. People are always wondering, “can I divorce-proof my marriage?” When most couples get married, they imagine a wonderful romance, and likely do not plan to get divorced. With the addition of complicated schedules, bills, jobs, children, and messy houses, however, marriage can easily and quickly turn from romantic to mundane. Many divorces happen for the right reasons when a couple hits an impasse and is unable to remain together. In those cases, it is healthy and necessary to separate. Are there ways, however, to “divorce proof” your marriage, or at least help your marriage endure? A contributor to the Boston Globe recently surveyed many successfully married couples, and while there may be no way to truly divorce-proof your marriage, here are some insightful tips that may help you and your spouse strengthen your relationship and decrease your chances of divorce.
Be Best Friends and Team Members
A marriage requires more than simple physical attraction. To be truly successful, both partners need to feel that they have a best friend in each other. Both need to be able to rely on each other through good and bad times. Strong marriages consist of two partners with full faith in each other.
Make Each Other Feel Safe
Spouses fight. Arguments are a normal part of relationships, so do not be discouraged by squabbling from time to time. Successful spouses, however, make each other feel safe, no matter how badly they are fighting. How do you make each other feel safe? Couples say this is done by proving to each other that you are honest and can be trusted to support each other. That could mean finally cleaning the garage like your wife has been asking, or remembering to pick up the kids on time. Simply following through for each other will prove the love and support you share.
Many of the couples surveyed also encouraged those still searching for spouses to choose one for the right reason. Many people are blinded by the fun of the initial “honeymoon phase” of their relationship and dive into marriages for the wrong reasons. Do not be blinded by money, or how much fun you have in one moment with someone. Instead, ask yourself, does this person make me feel comfortable? Can I be vulnerable with them? Do I truly trust them? If the answer is no to any of those questions, it may be time to take a step back and reconsider.
Be On The Same Page for the Big Stuff
Nobody wants to date or marry a carbon copy of themselves. It is great for married spouses to have different interests, friends, and hobbies. Even differing political opinions can make for great debates. It is important, however, that both spouses are aligned on their core values. Do you and your spouse agree on your plans for the future? Do you value the same things? Setting aside a few minor differences is one thing, but it can be difficult to move forward with someone who wants different things than you do.
Allow Each Other Room to Grow
People change. Continued learning, growth, and self-discovery are wonderful parts of life and things that should continue during marriage. Successful partners give each other the room to grow and evolve. Be accommodating to new interests your spouse may develop, or new goals they have. Encourage each other to grow, and share that growth with each other. Experiencing new things together can strengthen the bond you share.
Divorce Can Be Necessary
While every marriage deserves some effort, some relationships become unhealthy and may not be worth fighting for. If you and your spouse have hit an impasse, the qualified DuPage County divorce attorneys at Abear Law Offices are here to help. We offer a variety of divorce solutions to fit your needs. Call 630-904-3033 today to get started.