Are you considering divorce? If so, you are probably dealing with some conflicting feelings. Should you stay and continue to work on your relationship, or is your marriage past saving?
Knowing when to seek a divorce can be difficult. Marriage takes work, and most married couples experience their share of ups and downs, but how can you distinguish between typical marital problems and an overall unhappy marriage. It is not always as easy as it sounds, but understanding why you wish to end your marriage will allow you to move with confidence if you decide to divorce. There are several major signs that indicate you may be in an unhealthy marriage, one that is unsalvageable no matter how much hard work, therapy, or counseling you attempt.
Sometimes relationships change. If you feel your marriage has become unhealthy, do not be too hard on yourself. Calling it quits does not mean you failed. While choosing to pursue divorce can be scary, it can lead to a significant increase in happiness and freedom. Two major signs of an unhealthy marriage are abuse and addiction.
If your husband or wife is dealing with addiction, there is only so much you can do. Offer support, of course, and encourage your spouse to seek treatment. If, however, they refuse, or fall back on past habits, it may be best to leave if you truly want a healthy marriage. Addiction can suck every bit of joy and happiness out of a relationship. Abuse, either towards you or your children, is also a major indicator that divorce is your best choice. Family advocates say that, overtime, violence escalates in almost every case. It is important for your safety and the safety of any children you may have that you remove yourself from harm.
Another important indicator that your marriage may be unhealthy is the trust you and your spouse share with each other. If you are constantly getting lies from your spouse, something is wrong. Even small lies can be extremely damaging. If you cannot trust your spouse, how can you grow together and maintain a strong relationship? If your spouse is willing to lie to you, what else are they keeping from you?
A marriage cannot survive if one partner is always questioning the other, or wondering about their activities and whereabouts. Cheating is also a major indicator of marital trouble. Couples can recover from a case of infidelity if they so choose, but it can be tough. If your spouse has cheated on you, ask yourself if you can forgive them and move on. If not, divorce might be your best option.
Communication is one of the cornerstones of a strong marriage, and a lack of communication may indicate that you have a problem. Everyone fights and argues from time to time, but you and your spouse should be able to communicate with each other and move past your issues. If all you get is silence from your spouse, or if you find yourself unwilling to communicate with your spouse, your relationship is unhealthy. Without communication, how can you develop love, or parent, or maintain trust?
Lastly, think about how your spouse treats you. Do they respect you? Do they care about you? Do they control you? Do they embarrass you? Do you like it when your spouse is gone? If your partner attempts to control you or change you, consider leaving. Emotional abuse is still abuse. If your spouse constantly criticizes you, consider leaving. Spouses should support and mutually respect each other, not tear one another down.
Ready to Learn More?
If you believe your marriage is unhealthy, it may be time to talk to a qualified DuPage County divorce attorney. Remember, simply meeting with an attorney does not mean you are required to follow through with your divorce. If you have questions and concerns about divorce, or if you are ready to start the divorce process, the team at Abear Law Offices is here when you need us. Call 630-904-3033 to set up a free consultation with us today.